I just wanna be left alone to calm myself of the pain of this world!!!!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!


hey guys,


I just got back from the basketball tournement that was held at Andrews University. I also recieved news that a lady i used to take care of passed away while I was gone. Her funeral was this afternoon.I never got to say good-bye. I just want to cry. This lady- her name was margie. She was the sweetest person ever.About 5 years ago she had a stroke. That left her left side paralized so she couldn't do much. I would spend the summer of my freshman year watching her and we would always watch the "lifetime" channel and "wheel of fortune". i do miss her dearly. I know that one day I WILL see her in Heaven.

Another dissapointing thing that happend to me today was that my step dad just packed up his things and left for colerado or something. I miss him, but I am also thinking "what have I done?" My real dad was a jerk and i never got to have a fatherly figure. Every Christmas i would go see Santa and he would ask me what I wanted. I said "i want a daddy". Now i'm thinking, what did i do to make my step dad not love me anymore. Am I a selfish kid that a dad can't love? i feel so hurt and betrade. Today clearly isn't my day. I sat in my room and cried. Satan kept coming in my head and saying things like nobody loves me, and that I will never have a dad. I feel rejected and ...... you probably cant tell but I am crying as I am writing this. I do believe that i'm alone now. I barly see my mum as it is. I am truly realizing that I don't have a dad anymore.

-Carly

ok, so I have decided that I don't need a crush or anyother idea about boys anymore. Eventually i will get married and I will have a husband. I thought about it and I was thinking, "God knows my plans for the future. I want to travel the world at somepoint and be a missionary."

So then I got to thinking that if God wanted to be a missionary then I wouldn't need to start thinking about guys... right? All my friends have boyfriends, but I don't. I see them cuddling together and hanging out and going out and bowling or shopping together. I guess I havn't really thought about what I wanted to do about dating till the past couple of days. I'm 16 ya know.... the right time for girls to be dating isn't it?

I have a friend from summer camp named Cyrus. He calls me every other day just to chat. He usually calles me around 8:30 p.m and we chat till about 10:30. (talk about the phone bill). We always talk about the things that I bet most teens face. It just surprises me how realistic we can become when we talk about the reality issues.

Anyways, what i'm trying to say is.... when we have conversations we always end up talking about how we both want to wait till we are old enough before we start dating again. One of the things we have in common is the fact that when we start to date other people we wanted to make sure that the person we start dating is someone we can see a long time relationship and not just a 2 week date.

Don't worry (katie) we agreed that we wouldn't date each other. Thats fine with me bacuse i would feel so uncomfertable dating a close friend of mine that i've had for 7 years. Besides he's more the bad boy image then I want. I'm happy the way I am.

WHAT SHOULD I DO???

How do you tell the difference between a crush, puppy love, and the desire of actually wanting to ask someone out?

I have had this weird crush on a guy for the past 3 years. he isn't like any other typical guy out there. Now he comes to my school and i see him everyday.We always say hi to each other and smile at each other, hes adorable. Hes Tall to me.... (i'm short) but short to others. His parents are tall.

I guess i shouldn't judge that. Another problem is that he's quite a few years older then me. Hes not dating anyone and he's also very spiritual.

Am I still having a crush from 3 years ago, or do i actually want to wait 2 years and ask him out?
Also people think its odd if we were a couple.

WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!

hey people,

Happy sabbath!!! or to others happy greatest saterday. I get to finally relax. I'm gonna take a nap now. I am catching another cold so......... i want them to go away, i have to play b-ball in 4 days at the tournement. So yeah, i'm gonna go watch a movie at the back of my eye lids now. lol


l8r

Hey everyone,

Long day. I don't have much time to post something right now, I have tons of homework to do before this weekend starts.

I will be going on a Journalism tour tomorrow so i won't be in class, therefore I need to have fridays homework turned in today.

Anyways, I have to go and turn in homework.


l8r peeps

hey everyone. This weekend was great. I had this thing at my school where, my class tries to raise money. Its called a fall festival. Anyways, the theme was disney so i dressed up like mickey mouse. Boy was it scary. There was not a place that i went that little kids wern't all up on me. lol There was one booth that had a jail and the disney theme for that was pirates of the carrabian. Good choice considering you could pay to have people sent to jail. The funny thing about this story is that some people I worked with this summer where there. Mike and Juanita are their names (katie you should get what i'm saying). lol They got put in Jail for 5 minutes each whick was a payment of 2 tickets, and when they got out they had their tickets and asked me "how long will this put u in jail for". i thought I was going to die laughing because they had about 15 tickets or so.

Today at school we had college days. I was shaking a lot. See, i don't know exactely where I want to go for college. But I did apply to Southern today. I dind't have much time to go and check out the Andrews booth. I can't wait to tell my mum that i applyed. I still have 2 years to decide on where i want to go. After all i'm only a junior in high school. I fell so grown up now. *giggles*

So yeah, school is going good. I have a humungo spanish test tomorrow morning. Gotta go study.

l8r peeps!

Hey everyone, its me. Yeah so..... I forgot how to write stuff (post stuff) lol but now thatnks to katie I can manuver this blog site.lol